Relationships and Connection

To start us off, what is connection? What does that word mean? If you look it up on Google, it talks about linking one thing to another, and if you specify "in a relationship" there's mention of a "deep bond" "feeling seen, heard and valued" by someone.

These are great ways to start of our understanding of connection with another person - but it doesn't help us to know how we get that. What do other people do that makes you feel seen, heard and valued by them?

For many of us, it's about having their uninterrupted attention, patience and care. If someone is talking to you but they're still looking at their phone screen, do you feel heard? I certainly don't! When someone takes time out of their day to help with a task that you might be struggling with - what does that feel like to you?

Connection is a big part of starting and maintaining relationships with others. And there are a lot of different types of relationships as well, platonic (like friends and family), sexual, romantic (and more I’m sure!) - with a lot of overlap between them.

In society, many relationships are expected to follow a pattern, to be heteronormative. What I mean by this word is that it's expected to be a romantic/sexual relationship made up of two straight people, which leads to marriage and raising children together. But life doesn’t work out that way!

And this isn't how a lot of people live their lives. And there is nothing wrong with that. Many people are happy to live as a singleton. Some are LGBTQ+. Some people have more than one romantic partner at a time. Others prefer intimate platonic relationships which don't include romantic or sexual elements. All of these expressions of self and ways of living are valid.

But relationships can become harmful and abusive - there can be manipulation, gaslighting, physical/emotional/sexual abuse and more. This is the dark side of relationships and connection. And for many people, the signs are so subtle they don’t notice this is what they’re living with until they talk to someone outside of it (this is where therapy can help).

The ultimate question after all this is, what are your relationships like with others? Do you feel heard, seen and cared for by them? Do you offer that in return as well? Does something need to change for you or other people to be more content and happy with those relationships?